The Spanish Project: uno
Two twin mattresses, three glasses of pinot grigio, and one cracked window later, I find him putting his pants back on.
‘You’ve gotta fix your bed.’ He says, tapping it with his foot.
‘It does that.’ I retort
It really does. I’ll often find my half asleep self, lying on the Harwood floor, due to the mattress being wonky. Or rather mattresses; plural.
Since moving out, I couldn’t take the king mattress with me. So, I’ve settled for two twins and a foam topper. No bedframe. And honestly I find it more comfortable. I sink right in.
But its definitely not meant for two. I have come to realize how defiant they can be to the extra weight. ‘Maverick’ has too.
‘Already leaving, huh?’
I watch him from the comfort of my wonky bed, ruffling sheets and tossing them aside, to look for the ruminants of clothes I watched him peel off earlier.
‘Yeah. Got an early morning’ He says. The Toronto twang in his voice, nearly making my heart break.
Our casual relationship is about three weeks old. Just under one month and I have a feeling it won’t last any longer.
After the last guy, I told myself that I would be taking a break and getting my priorities straight. But here I am… yet again. This time, catching myself with an emotionally unavailable, 27 year old. Supposedly “new” to the city.
He wasn’t. He liked to think he were fresh meat, but Maverick has been here at least two years before using that line on me. Nonetheless, it worked and I agreed to be his “tour guide.”
Fast forward to now, us only having toured the four corners of my bedroom and this becoming the threshold of our entire relationship. I was bound to feel empty.
‘See you tomorrow’ He says, now fully dressed.
‘Tomorrow.’ I nod.
Was I going to see him tomorrow?
I slip into a shirt, big enough to be a dress and walk him to the front door. He gives me a hug, a smooch, a ‘goodbye miss’ and leaves.
I close the door, ending tonight with mixed feelings. And now being alone. The un-interrupted mind, runs at full speed.
I started thinking about today, and how unproductive It was. Doing absolutely nada, waiting around for tonight. For a guy I’m not even dating…? What was I getting out of this, besides a hollow hole in the chest and an open window to throw all my dreams out. Here I was not wanting a relationship for fear that I would need to sacrifice, but now I was doing it for less. Why?
Some things I will just need to sacrifice.
I whisk myself off to bed. Whole heartedly knowing I won’t be sleeping tonight…
Message sent at 3:43 am
Hey thanks for coming over, but I can’t do this anymore. I have to focus on myself, goals, dreams and future. See ya around 🙂
Nada – Nothing
Uno – One