The Spanish Project: tres
Progress can be hard to come by. Often taking one step forward and then taking one very big step back. I have taken one very BIG step back.
I was doing really good for about a week. Focusing on my priorities and goals. Self love and well being. Truly (trying) to treat this body of mine as a so-called ‘temple.’
I even spent a devastating amount to get my hair done, thinking that splurging on myself would make me feel good – but really I just regretted it. I know that my now Il-legally blonde head of hair will eventually grow out, It was more my empty pockets and the sudden cut in workhours, that gave me a heart attack.
Now that I was blonde and out 300 hundred bucks, Maverick being the cherry that he was, called me and I answered… like a fool – Mr. t, that’s your cue.
I answered maybe because I wasn’t actually over the drama. Maybe I needed to relay the rest of the story, unsure why I would end something so chemically rewarding in the first place. Because now, 5 days later, I am completely over it. Relieved even.
Our make up only lasted less than a week, ending way worse than the first time. Maybe it just needed to end in a horrific train wreck, unsalvageable, for me to properly move on. And that’s how it seems to go for a lot of these ‘not so’ relationships.
Being back on track, I’m on an honest search of self love, because I know that I deserve better than that. A relationship shouldn’t be so complicated.
After this whole fiasco, I have also realized how powerful ‘law of attraction’ actually is and that it must be used carefully, with steady hands. If one has poor self love and self esteem, how the individual feels on the inside will reflect what they attract on the outside.
If one feels unworthy of love, success or even happiness and were presented the chance at something amazing, would they take it? Or make excuses like, ‘Oh I couldn’t handle it.’ or ‘I’m not ready, next time.’
Nobody ever is truly ready and we all know that ‘next time’ isn’t happening. We all don’t realize that we are committing self sabotaging. Even if we were to fail, we still can learn from it.
This time around I want to see, what I CAN handle, because I never gave myself the chance to even try. Not just with men or relationships, but the overall integrity of life! I want to take chances and risks, but also know that its okay not to. Sometimes not saying yes, is a risk in itself.
Life is a journey and there will always be pot holes in the road, or turbulence in the air. Getting through it and coming out on the side is all part of the voyage.
I will trust myself and my decisions…
Tres – Three